Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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