My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
