i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
