Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
