He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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