no, he came in my armpit
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
