Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
