so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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