I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
