Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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