I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
