i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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