with your own penis?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
