That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
