She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
