I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
