So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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