The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
how does that bad decision feel?
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