she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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