Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
