"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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