Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
