if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
