I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
