Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Everclear isn't food dammit
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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