Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
