Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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