Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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