I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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