seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
