She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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