So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
