Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
