Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
