I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
