It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
