Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
