You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
