she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
