Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
