is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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