So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
