i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
