I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
