Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
