wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
