Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
