that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
