I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think my tv is drunk
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
