batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
