I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
