I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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